Traditionally healing means to make whole but it's more like putting the pieces of a puzzle together. Each life experience we have is a piece to a big-ass puzzle that becomes our life story. So we can either let the pieces be as they are-with their sharp edges and odd shapes or we can sand and smooth them to make them fit perfectly into a beautiful picture that we paint.

When my brother and husband died, I had no idea what healing really meant or what it meant to paint my own picture. I chased after both for decades by vigilantly showing up to my therapy, counseling, and support group sessions but despite my efforts, my life fell to pieces and I fell with it. There was just too much to pick up and I had no idea how I'd ever put the pieces back together, so I gave up.

Even the medication my Doctor's prescribed me wasn't enough to help my life from falling apart into an infinite number of pieces. I was a widow with two young children, fresh out of an abusive relationships with a narcissist who I met after my husband died. My friends betrayed me at one of my lowest moments and I was completely alone feeling unworthy of being a Mom to my baby boys. I was unloveable and figured the world would be better off without me. 

I sat on the floor begging - "God, please help me to pull this trigger I'm not powerful enough to put the pieces back together."  But, it was no use because a force greater than me made me too weak to hold the gun and it landed on the floor beside me. Then I heard 5 words out of the clear blue sky:

I was furious and out of my mind because I'd been trying to heal for decades- so I screamed at the top of my lungs: "WTF does healing mean anyway!?!" As soon as I finished, something entered my body. It was a wave of calm that would be the miracle that saved my life and I asked again - "Wait, - what does healing mean, anyway?"

My lowest
moment

From that moment on - I stopped at nothing to find the answer. I picked up every single piece of my broken life - and I sanded and reshaped all of them. Today, I'm one of the happiest women I know - remarried to the second man of my dreams, a fantastic mom to 4 fantastic kids and I'm living my soul's purpose abundantly.